Spiritual Crisis

I’ve recently gone through a spiritual crisis.  I say “gone through” because I sincerely hope I am on the other side.  I certainly feel much better — for now, anyway.

What do I mean by spiritual crisis?  I questioned my relationship with God — Do I even understand who God is?  I questioned my purpose — Do I really have a purpose in this life? I questioned my faith — How can I have a relationship with Christ if I can’t understand his will for me?  

I spent weeks not being able to pray and not feeling a connection to God when I did try to pray.  As an avid reader, I wasn’t able to study theology or apologetics like I normally do. I didn’t even want to read my Bible.  I seemed to have lost my connection to the God of the Universe because of a deep disappointment that caused me to question my identity, worth and calling.  Throw in a little self-loathing and aloneness and you can start to get the picture.  

It was rather devastating.  It was so deeply personal that I couldn’t communicate to others what was going on within me.  

I might have lost my faith if it weren’t for two things:

Apologetics.  I have such a strong background in apologetics that I am certain that there is a God.  He is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. His son is Jesus, who was born of a virgin and died on a cross for our sins and rose again on the third day to conquer death forever.  Truth exists, we can know truth, and this is the truth.  I unequivocally know that these things are true and to live any other way is to live a lie.  

Relationship.  As I clung to truth, I continued what has become a custom and a habit for me, which is to pray and read the Bible every morning.  Even when I didn’t feel like I could pray, I tried anyway. Even though I was having trouble reading, I read my Bible anyway. It felt empty for a time, but I did it anyway.  

What I began to notice is that I talk to God all of the time.  Throughout the day, I will speak to God. I will say little prayers.  I will ask him things. I think what really shook me loose from the crisis was that I realized that if I didn’t have God, I would miss him.  He has become such an integral part of my daily life, I don’t want to know what it would be like without him. I would lose my greatest confidant, my trustworthy friend and my parent.  I can’t picture what life would be like without him. I would be immensely sad if I couldn’t talk to God ever again.

Only then was I able to realize that I had to face whatever was going on with me, repent of my wrongdoing, and reconcile with God.  You see, it simply cannot be a failing on God’s part. God cannot fail or fall short; therefore, it must come back to me.

Dear reader, I urge you — I implore you — prepare yourself by studying your Bible, learning apologetics and, most importantly, develop your relationship with the one and only true God of the Universe for these days come for all of us.  We all suffer from the pains and disappointments of life and so we must be ready. As disciples of Christ, our Comforter is there ready to teach us, speak on our behalf, and direct us through any kind of crisis we might encounter. Depend on him because you can.

Out of my distress I called on the Lord; the Lord answered me and set me free.   Psalm 118:5

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. Philippians 2:12-13